Seat & Arthur’s Eats (F)east
(A menu for disaster or how the “F” got
into the anagrams)
But many will be Last who
are First; and First who are Last.
But many who are First will
be Last; and the Last First."
“ Where’s the
Aye, what do a couple of apostles know that our
handicapper can’t thwart? Well, funnily enough Matthew (18:25)
seemed to have worked out the conundrum (its Gospel) as he romped
home comfortably to win the final race.
Luckily for him, there were old hands about to
lead others astray, as Keith Burns zigzagged across the course (“When
were the Crags included in the course”? ”Year one” … about
sums up his progress). Gordon C struck off from Whinny Hill in “obviously
the completely wrong direction” (which gained him two minutes),
whilst Ben “Bated” some others. With eight contenders
to win the series there was all to play for but—as usual—the
non-contenders continued to muck it all up all the more by running
fast and furious. (Not our handicapper’s excuse but apparently,
On a night where there was more debate about
the post race menu rather than the planned course and the alternative
courses which were actually run, I was minded of my old mate Bishop
Desmond Tutu, when I—and Willie M—listened to the
usual protests against start & run times … although
I’m the race organiser, not the handicapper ... Suddenly
we were back to menus again of course as the usual protests arose,
which said basically … what my old mate opined … “I
am not interested in picking up crumbs of compassion thrown from
the table of someone who considers himself my master. I want the
full menu of rights.” Tough then, for they wanted was what
was served, although maybe eaten by someone else.
Oh, you want more info about the race itself.
They came, they soared, they, concurred on everything but route
set off in a hundred different
directions into the soft summer’s night. The route should take them
up the dry dam, straight up Arthur’s Seat to the summit, and then continue
across to Crow Hill, down to Dunsappie then after partly retracing their
steps they should curve up Whinny Hill to the far summit. Alas, Whinny Hill
in man-eating gorse and has several tops as those who went off in search
of their own particular choice of top found out. Running up paths others
running down, criss-crossing trods through the rock and gorse, runners turning
off the proper track; a casual observer would be hard put to realise it was
a race and that they were all supposed to be heading in the same direction!
After myriad mysterious meanderings Matt Grove came in four minutes ahead
of the pack and somewhat bemused that there was no one in ahead of him as
seen several runners running ahead. Then they all came in thick and fast (and
listening to some of the route choices, some thicker than others).
So with the last runner home before
dark it was off to KB to a wonderful varied menu. “Metaphysics is a restaurant where they give you a thirty thousand
page menu and no food “, according to Robert Pirsig and we were about
to put that theory into practice. The week before, Willie G had made the
final arrangements with the Bar and fixed up traditional fair of pie and
But when I went in to collect the menu, I was given the usual menu filled
with fajitas and brimming with bruchettas. So our order of 30+ varied meals
tons of toppings and sumptuous sauces and side orders took them somewhat
by surprise and left them with more pies than Willie could eat in a week!
Then the real chaos began. Some people hadn’t ordered and I’d asked
for some “contingency” dished to be prepared for just this eventuality
but as several people chose the same contingency, confusion reigned as everyone
tried to secure a meal for themselves. Still everyone was fed and even some
of the pies were eaten and it was down to the business in hand. Individual
handicap prizes were awarded and after using two different methodologies Willie
M and I confirmed that with 96 points, Gordon Cameron was the series winner
and he pulled on the leader’s vest and was awarded the trophy.
Thereafter, beer and conversation flowed in equal measure and
the series was done. Next time, Willie G and I are going
to organise a p*ss up in a
After all that here are the Results.