Following a complaint the Carnethy investigative committee instructed the legal firm of Davis Gilmore Gilmore and Smith to determine whether the Bishop Downhill Only race, did truly only go down hill. Upon arrival at the headquarters of the race organiser, who we shall only refer to as ‘Laurie’ for legal reasons, we were immediately forced into a bribe of £1 each to gain access to the purported descent. In return we received only a piece of paper with a number written on it and some safety pins. A similar bribe was also extracted from approximately two score other individuals. Our investigations were aided when we followed a clear path of what can only be described as red and white plastic litter, tied around vegetation. Upon gaining a certain height the path then extended over several humps to arrive at the top of the so-called top and start point, which turned out to be a location known as White Craigs, instead of the advertised Bishop Hill
At this juncture it is important to state that we are additionally concerned with the use of the word ‘path’ to describe the route taken, long grass, tussocks and moss were found to be obstructing the direct line between some of the pieces of red and white plastic. Anecdotal evidence confirms that this state of affairs did not exist to such an extent in previous years, thus detaining participants for a longer time duration than they would otherwise have expected.
To maintain pretence all four of the investigative committee partook in the event, each person waiting 15 seconds until the person in front had left (could this be a ruse to disguise the activity from watching authorities). Young Iain Gilmore performed admirably, overtaking your scribe as well as many others despite being delayed by the organiser in excess of a minute. It is highly possible he even ‘won’ the race (details of which are still be confirmed).
To summarise, there are three aspects of the route that do not descend, these were described by the miscreants involved in several terms, most of which cannot be included here for reasons of decency and obscenity legislation. Additionally the race did not start atop Bishop Hill. Despite these points most of the participants appeared to enjoy the experience, indeed there were very few complaints, even amongst though who had to throw themselves at the feet of the organiser to be recognised at the finish.
Assuming they have not their integrity challenged by ‘prizes’ the investigative committee are expecting to reconvene on Wednesday 7th September at Hillend ski slope Edinburgh to ascertain whether the same lies are being perpetrated on the colloquially titled Caerketton doonhiller and are expecting to be supported by additional members of the Carnethy firm.
These are just two of three events, alongside a future ‘Nebit’ event on the 14th of September. The organiser of this series was contacted but would only respond “get a grip”.
Regards,
Bruce Smith